Ruby Thursday

by rsbakker

Daily Aphorism I: The best caveats are made of grease.

Daily Aphorism II: A blog is where opinions go fishing for affirmation and land embarrassment.

 

Okay… I think I’m finally finished railing at my insignificance.

How many people have I blamed? Let’s see: the literary establishment, the Canadian media, and, oh, the entire human race. They’re just too stupid to get me, you see.

Starting to sound like a suicide bomber’s internal monologue. I’ll show them

Before, when these hard-done-by moods got the better of me, I would simply party too hard for a few weeks, piss my wife off, before climbing back into something resembling maturity. Now that I’m a father, however, all of that has changed. It’s amazing, really, how much fatherhood revises your relationship with your ambition. I’ve always been overly competitive and madly ambitious–saddled with a manic, pulsating ego. That great line from Scarface should have been my motto: The world, Manny, and everything in it.

The world. And if I can’t have the real thing, then I will build myself one of my own. (The keyboard was just smoking while I was working on The Unholy Consult today.)

I still feel all these things, but their tracks no longer run clear through me. One look at my daughter’s smiling face and this Old Me is instantly derailed, box cars piled into bunny hills, tanker cars cracked like eggs. The Crank vanishes into the sound of nearing sirens, and I become a Sap, glorious unto her and myself.

Happy Birthday, Ruby. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

What a breathtaking year it’s been.